But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
