Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
