I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
only if we run a train.
done.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
