either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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