Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
