Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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