Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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