You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
