Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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