"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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