I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
