We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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