Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
