i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
