A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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