Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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