thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
