I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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