i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My dick has a subreddit
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
