their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
