Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
