I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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