I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
