it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
