your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
