listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
