I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
