I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
