Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
