you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
