this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
