You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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