Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Drunk is not a location!
I think people are normalizing furries
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
