The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
