i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
