i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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