I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
