you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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