My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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