I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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