she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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