You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
