I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
