Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
