If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
