Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
