Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
