I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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