He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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