I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They have beer where we have blood.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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